He began to rewrite my story. It was not until He had put all my broken pieces back together that I realized what was reconstructed was far more beautiful and unique than its original form. After an eight year journey of mountaintops and valleys, I stand on solid ground incredibly grateful for my three earthly children that represent my highs, but I am all the more humbled by the five heavenly babies that represent my lows. Once I was willing to embrace my brokenness so the Holy Spirit could melt me down and remove the impurities, a more pure and authentic relationship with Jesus emerged. It was then that I was able to truly experience His blessings. Jesus was all I needed.
Through the miscarriages and difficulties in marriage, God was present but I was not acknowledging Him. The grief inside me was all-consuming, but the world kept telling me, “It isn’t a big deal because it happens all the time.” I could not understand why something so “minor” hurt so much. So, I walked alone, in silence. Few people knew about my struggles and losses. That is when the darkness began to take over and the isolation began to breed dissension in every area of my life. It was in the deepest moment of despair that I finally acknowledged the other person in the room: Jesus. He had always been there. He had never left or forsaken me, just as He promised in His word. I just needed to open my spiritual eyes.
After seeking God’s face, my husband and I made a life altering decision to follow my calling to ministry and leave my profession as a nurse practitioner. Though much sacrifice was required, I was fueled by the grace of God and my supernatural love for couples on their infertility journey. God does not want us to walk alone in any season of life. I knew I was called to reveal to others, in the beginning of their journey, that it is not about what is happening, but Who is with them! I do not want anyone to walk it alone as I had done in my own struggles. I wanted everyone to know there is someone else in the room: Jesus!
God used my brokenness to redirect my path into the purpose He designed me around. While the mountaintops are beautiful, it is in the valleys of disruption where the true treasures are often found.